"Doubt dissolver"
"This series of dialogues with Baba, published in the magazine
originally in Telugu, unravels the mysteries of spiritual truth and
lovingly removes the mist that hides the vision of aspirants. Perused
with care and faith, these dialogues are bound to clarify, reinforce and
convince. May the perusal lead you nearer and nearer the goal." N. Kasturi,
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Dialogue IV
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Dialogue V
Swami:
Well, my boy, I am glad you have come. Are you reflecting the answers I
gave last time and practising what has been told with firm conviction?
Are you deriving Ananda therefrom?
Bhaktha:
Swami, will any Bhaktha like me allow your words, nectar-like words, to
go to waste? No one aspiring to attain real Ananda will throw away the
ambrosial words that you confer in Your grace. I do not know about
others but I am reflecting upon your answers night and day and
practising them with courage and conviction. I am awake all the time
waiting for the next chance to meet you.
Swami: It is this alertness that devotees
should cultivate. To attach oneself to the flimsy, paltry foolishness of
the world and to run after them and worry when they slip out of the
hands or jump about in glee when you get them, all this is Avidya, Maya.
But your counting of days, waiting for the chance, keeping awake for the
opportunity of hearing the words of the Lord and imbibing their essence,
that is Vidya Maya. If Bhakthas fall into this Maya, they will attain
fulfilment, without fail, some day or other. So, since this Vidya Maya
has illumined you, you are fortunate. Develop this, that is to say, this
dwelling on the thoughts of God; don't give it up or reduce it for any
reason, to any extent. You will become holy without fail. You will reach
fulfilment and attain the goal.
Bhaktha:
Swami! Last month, You said You will explain to me who 'I' am. If I
understand that also, I can be rid of the little delusion that I have
and, without the slightest trace of doubt, meditate on You and be
blissful. What grater fortune can I have?
Swami: Well, my boy! To speak about the
real nature of 'I' is very easy; but until it is experienced, full
contentment is impossible. For me to tell you to my satisfaction and for
you to grasp its full meaning, it needs some time. This month, even the
allotted hours of the day are not enough for me! Though it is like this,
I am using all the time for the Ananda of Bhakthas only; I have nothing
of my own. Being useful for my Bhakthas, that is my selfish purpose.
Throughout last month, I went to Nellore, Gudur, Venkatagiri and the
villages around. Afterwards, I went to Bangalore and returned. What
little time was available I used for 'Premavahini'! This month, I
visited Hyderabad, Rajahmundry, Samalkot, Chebrolu, Nuzvid etc. So there
is no spare time. Next month, I shall tell you about who 'you' are to
your full satisfaction. For the present try to grasp the meaning of this
song in folk dance style; you will understand who this 'you' is, to a
large extent. It is possible you will get Vairagya to a large extent
through this. Later, you will understand the meaning of what I have to
say more clearly and with greater ease. Do not merely read this song but
think well on the meaning of each word. The song will certainly turn
your brain!
Bhaktha:
All right. Give me at least that. I shall satisfy my desire; I shall
drink the nectar and digest it.
Swami: Listen,
carefully.
- Thai! Thai!
Thai! Thai! Thai! Dummy
see the Tamasha play of this puppet doll.
O Jiva, listen to the long, long tale
of its past, its future, behind and front!
- It rolled at
first in mushy mire
of mother's womb, its prison dark.
It came with a whimper, but all around
they smiled in joy and feasts galore.
- 'O tragedy! I
am born again',
it knew and wept, both loud and long.
But all the while, they caressed it
and laughed to raise a laugh!
- In its own
dirt it wallowed day,
without a sense of shame;
it rose and fell, at every step,
acting daily a childish play.
- It runs and
skips with gangs of chums
and learns a hundred tricks and trades;
it grows so tall and thick and broad;
from year to year, very fast and fair.
- It moves in
pairs, and bills and coos
in rosy rainbow style;
it sings in tunes unheard before,
and quaffs the cup, unique and strange.
- 'Tis Brahma
who makes these dolls in pairs
and dolls and dolls in millions,
but this our puppet does not know
when it plays with dollies: Thim! Thim! Thim!
- This Maya doll
like the holly bull
has the Thamas rope in nostril hole;
lust and anger are the scorpion whips
which whack the back of the slave.
- It gloats with
glee, when others stop
before it shuddering low;
it doles them pain; but cannot bear
a microscopic share!
- It swears and
shouts and waves its arms
and frets and fumes with blood-red eyes;
it is indeed a wondrous sight -
possessed by devil ire!
- It scans and
spells, it scribbles and swots,
it does not know the reason why,
it runs in panic trying to glean
fodder for belly, willy or nilly.
- Ah, did you
see this queer little dummy,
with so many books in its tummy,
turning and twisting in jealousy green
when a learned doll encounters it?
- And, you
should hear its secret cluck
when a shameful sensual urge,
a wicked lurking greed
is satisfied in sin!
- It proudly
pats; what? its own back!
For beauty, brawn, vitality.
While all the time and step by step
it moves towards senility.
- It totters and
blinks through wrinkles and folds;
and when the children cry,
'old ape', 'old ape'
it gapes and grins a toothless grin -
its bones do clatter so!
- Unto the last,
it is lost in fear,
wear and tear and many a tearsome fray!
Of what avail, O dummy doll, your gasp and groan,
your needs must meet the doom.
- Aha! The bird!
It shakes its wings!
It files out, brrrr, from out the cage of skin.
Empty, it tightens; vacant, it straightens;
o, drag it out of sight; it bloats and stinks.
- The elements
join their parents five;
the doll's desires are dust and ash;
why weep, you fools, when one of you
falls on the crowded stage?
- Uncles,
cousins, aunts and friends
march in gloom until door of room!
The Maya doll, alas, forgot its kin,
the divine name, redeemer true!
- O Jiva, do not
lean upon this slender reed;
just a sneeze! This frail skin boat
endowed with thrice three leaks
will plunge you, middle stream!
- This puppet
weeps, it sleeps and wakes,
When the string is pulled by unseen hand
The Lord it is, who stands behind,
But the dummy swears, it is I, I, I.
- Dharma, Karma
are the hardy strings
He tightens or He loosens.
Unaware, the puppet swaggers
criss-cross, on the planks.
- It takes the
world as stable -
this silly strutting dummy!
A twinkle! He winds up the show!
Exit the pomp and pride!
- O Jiva, you
have waded
through ant and snake and bird;
seek and find without delay,
the road to lasting bliss!
- Bless your
luck! You now can see
Sai Krishna, He has come!
Be kin with him and you will know
your what and why and how.
- A million
words so clever and nice,
can they appease your hunger's maw?
Light the lamp of the soul instead,
and, freed from bondage, run out and play.
- This song that
tells of dummy doll
makes Jiva sad and wise! I know;
but, Jiva! See the Leela grand of Sathya Sai Nath
and - Know Thyself!
Bhaktha:
Ah! I have understood! I have clearly understood that 'I' am not the
body, the Buddhi, the Manas, or the Chittam. When I am not any of these,
'I' must be only the Atma, and if 'I' am the Atma, then 'I' am the
Paramatma and so everything is Paramatma! All this I have understood!
Believing out of ignorance that 'I' am this body and this intellect,
this Deha and this Buddhi, we are experiencing all these miseries. True,
true. We are passing through all that you said now, one after the other,
as beads in a string. Oh! What a truth? What a truth! Listening to this
one song is enough; the brain, as you said, turns into Vairagya - Swami!
I felt very disappointed when You said first that You had no time to
spare. But that was due to my ignorance. Though I knew that Our Swami
will never disappoint any one or cause trouble, I felt as if You have
conferred even more Ananda now, than what I thought I would get. How is
Your kindness to be described! They sing of you, For a single drop of
tear, Sayi will melt ; and they say you can never bear to see us suffer:
this is proof of the truth of these. Shall I take leave?
Swami: Very good. Go and come again. I too
have no time to spare. I have to see and send those who are going to
their places.
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